Dark Side Of The Sun v3.0

Well, continuing where i left off from my last blog, the six months were wonderful until the breakup. I wanted to leave the scene during the initial rejection but she insisted for me not to. After some time, it seemed that she was ready to be in a relationship with me and we hooked up.  We were both having a great time though she was a tad stubborn and vain. Well, im known to be very stubborn too and when stubbornness and stubbornness meets, it s a bad sign. I identified my faults then and were constantly  trying to overcome it. She doesn’t know how to do this and let it overcome her sensibilities.  It was this that i was trying to get rid of off her but in the end it backfired on me.

Thats a lesson learnt, u can only bring a mule to a pond but u can’t force it to drink from it. Been having crazy time since the last six months, got into a company, Patimas which I’m still in.. Stationed in KLCC to serve a sub branch of Petronas, Carigal. Heck of a place thought the job has become almost routine and a lack of  multinational org. touch has made it almost tricky to manage work here.  Im talking bout the work processes  professionalism here. I been blogging on facebook notes and just wanted to transfer the relevant latest post.

Of coz, the paragraph above is just to fill in the missing links of the last 6 months in summary. Most of it is too personal and affects someone else so not suitable to be blogged. I was wondering, what ’s so different that Im feeling so empty these days compared to the last years even when I was single. I realized I had so much to focus on that i didnt have time to be bored, i had my degree to do well in, assignments, projects, work, and then my friends, not to mention the amount of time i spent just traveling using public transport. I was busy and yet had things to do and a li free time and lots of fun.

Then graduation came, no more studies, that left a big hole in my life, lots of free time, and just work, n chilling out with friends. In a way, it was refreshing, as life before was like in a pressure cooker, multitasking loads of stuff. Thinking back , it was crazy , i dont know how it was that i handled it so well. Then came my first bike, that really saved more time, getting to places that normally take an hour orso in just 15-30 mins. I got a new job and it was getting easier n easier as time passed, and in a way routine. It was only i was so engrossed in my love life that i didnt really feel that effect.

And then the girl. I been focusing on her and putting in so much time for her, and now i realize how much effort and time i spent on her for the last 6 months. Now that she’s no longer there, i have loads more time and a routine job. Bad combo, as this is why people jump jobs.

Well, i gotta stay on till September at least, and September is a motivation for me to push day to day forward, waiting till then. I realize that now im free in terms of time and commitment, I can really do anything I want, and im using this to go see places n have a wonderful life. I got a great camera, I just successfully planned a trip this April to Krabi for a water festival. I finally understand, that not all things that seems bad is bad after all. Its a blessing in disguise When you have things to look forward to, Life just isn’t routine after all, once im done with what i’ve planned, i know there will be more things to come n more things to do. I have a feeling this is gonna be bomb of a year, woohoo!!!

       Ahhhh, finally IM relieved………..had a smash of a month , never would have a month like this EVER……….decided to leave Datacom in a rush of thoughts juz as usual…but seriously, i was determined to strive fer a change in career no matter what…..been too long in the call centre with just a change of brand names and not much improvement fer my career….gone was the 5 year plan that was set , mite be a trifle too high i guess, but like they say "aim fer the sky, land on the trees" a high goal only means an acceptable improvement…..improvement which i seek.
      This was the luckiest time i was ever jobless i guess, i applied fer two of the jobs outside my line and which i can grow to another level in and managed to get to the final legs of interviews fer both of them. So, I’ll be starting in my new role this coming 1st August 08. :). The waiting was tedious bcoz of uncertainties and the gamble i was taking by pining my hopes on both these jobs and not applying fer more but , yes , they paid off, salary negotiations went a bit bad at the last moment but with the experience i’ll be getting, it ll be a no-issue.
     Spent the whole month idlying away, spending time with an interesting gal i met online, interesting coz i had been one who always scoffed at flirting online and thatz just i got to know her, spent most of the day, chatting , flirting, texting, then going out to movies, dining and juz plain chilling with her. Seems to be the perfect companion fer me, though it waz all on a basic level, but i just so, so wished she was mine, sigh, juz so in love with her, u cant have all the good thingz in life easily , i guess.
     Also met p with Ghee Teong all the way from Penang, boy, he still looks the same as outta school, haha.I ll be going back to hometown tomorrow just fer fun before starting my life as a systems engineer, Pretty much looking forward to it but also kinda trying to shake off the carefreeness and casualness i adopted the whole month long, also there is the forced gym sessions i ll be in, thanks again to my impulsiveness in signing fer a 2 year contract.!!!!!!
     Im still in a gud run i guess, luckwise, coz everything seems to be fitting in places suddenly but correctly and in a managable way. Speaking bout runs, been on top of a hill and mountain in preparation fer this year’s climbathon at Kinabalu. Thanks to Leonard, a bit sorry that couldnt keep up to his level of fitness, must have been dragging him a  bit :P. Anyway, just hoping i could get that 1 annual leave day so that can go and comeback before resuming work and everything will be just fine.
     I guess if by the end of the year everything is alright , this is definitely the turning poin in my life where my career and personal growth is most evident.

            Yeah, since Nov last year, itz been 3 jobs i’ve changed. I know itz bad but i ve no choice coz i m not given a chance to prove myself in the fleld i know i can excel. Well, so there it is, the main reason i keep changing jobs and will keep on changing jobs =until i can grasp that carer path i want in my hands. And there was the additional commitment that was placed on top f my head, very stressing that.
           Decided to quit smoking coz disgusted by the fact that i was refused a wonderful job oppurtunity coz i admitted that i smoke. What the hell has that got to do with my job. Not that im gonna smoke in the office or such but no, another ias system in place on top of all others. I guess the decision to stop smoking waz a bad idea though.
           Since i dont drink much and no more smoking, all the stress has caused me to turn to a new direction to relieve stress: SPEED. Yeah, itz gonna kil me someday, but what the hell, life isn’t that beautiful anyway. Of coz i appreciate the fact that my existence is better than million others but truth is : i m addicted to speed. Now that i ve gotten a bike, no more waiting in jams, no more waiting fer public trasnport r friends to pick me late, anytime , anywhere i wanna go, i juz pick up my helmet and shoot.
        Somehow, i dont feel afraid as i did the frst tme i rode the bike, of all the cars that go recklessly without warning or heed fer motorcyclists, so there i know, its not a matter of how safely i ride, but more to the matter of how lucky I am, just like a game of roulette, so I’ve no more eyes fer rules, I dunno how many road rules i break in a daily basis, how many times i nearly ended up getting myself killed or injured, how many near misses, but i know one thing , im getting a kick out of it, and if i dont find a cure fer this, im gonna kick the bucket real soon.

Γιατί ο Θεός;Μπορείτε να μου καρδιάΜπορείτε να μου επιτρέψετε να αγαπάμεαλλά δεν μου επιτρέπει να λατρεύεται

Είναι τόσο βαθιά αιμορραγίες αθέατοαυτή η καρδιά μουi παραμένουν ακόμη stoicξέροντας ότι είναι η δική σας πορεία της ζωής μουοτιδήποτε συμβαίνει ξέρωμε ή χωρίς αγάπηθα έχετε την υποστήριξή μου πόλοακόμη και όταν υπονομεύεται imΑκόμα και όταν κανείς δεν πρέπει να στραφούν σε	

Με αυτή την ισχυρή πίστη στην καρδιά μουτίποτε άλλο δεν έχει σημασίαΔεν τον πόνοδεν την απώλεια των αγαπημένων μουδεν έχει σημασία πόσο θα τρώει ψυχή μου να δω αυτό τοέστω κι αν είμαι μόνη μέχρι τις ημέρες του θανάτου μου

            Rainy Saturdays or Sundays mornings are only good for one thing: SLEEPING. Not so when you are working on weekends though. As such, I had to rush to work in a heavy downpour yesterday in order not to be late. So there I was, drenched and freezing cold right to my, u know wat in a fully air conditioned  office.
        But the experience  of riding in the rain has thrills though, a lot of maneuvering  to be done as it is still dark at 6.00 am. The rain drenched roads were difficult and dangerous on a fast run. Not to mention the acrobatics to be done trying to avoid
would be potholes (no differentiating which is normal road and which are holes when water covers em) only to crash into one several times, sigh.
       I enjoy my weekends working here as well as everywhere else i’ve worked in. I’d rather work on weekends and get my off days on any two consecutive weekdays, it is quiet and relaxing to work when the entire building is almost empty (not to mention when the higher-ups are at home ;P). I still do my regular Sat n Sunday stuff anyway :). As a plus, i get to escape two  busy work days and chill out while others are poring away.
ahhhhh, peace.

Yeah, i finally got myself a bike: a modenas " kapchai" really with an "L" plastered in front and the back to warn how "dangerous" I could be. Itz a funny thing, coz other motorcyclist keep commenting on it at traffic lights and always seem  shocked when i said i got it second hand. Not to mention the amazin pick up, i seem to shoot off first leavin other bikes when the light goes green, and no , im not speedin or riding recklessly.   Hopefully, i’ll get rid of that "L" as its been around fer two years now, all bcoz of my laziness to complete the bike licence. Fear of getting embarrased falling down frem a virago at the test is a another reason, haha. Well, this little critter im riding to work is really a smooth one on the road. i get to save plenty of time getting "unstuck" in the jam.
    Of coz im getting the mat rempit perspective of life too frequently, staring at the undersides of trailers wiv lil me in a tiny hole in between them, reminds me of how fragile human beings are….n having to move between speeding cars at highways in and out of the rain while keeping a balance (or end up skidding between lanes,tricky this one.). Itz as if ur on a daily obstacle course wiv ur life as the prize surviving it. Man, wat a tout line it is keeping my mind alert for those "landmines" in the forms of errant drivers, pedestrians, and illegal racers on the main road and highways.
I personally experienced skidding like and banging a police car in Ipoh during a particularly heavy rain session and tat image back then was a constant reminder of the dangers of losing control of a light machine and the heavy impact of it.
OF coz the interesting part is how i keep getting lost trying to find newer shortcuts to/from office. Of coz, sleeping/ daydreaming when in the car/ bus before this in a ride didn’t help much.

     I m not really bothered bout getting heavily drenched or getting lost, i used to enjoy walking back home even if it rains heavily so the habit  stuck, though  this time while on  a bike. Of coz i get the looks , when i get my backpack in  rain-proof mode under the bridge and proceed ridin as if nothing really matters.
But yeah, im glad i can save those 2/3  hours to chill out at home or wiv frens as opposed to 2/3 freakin long hours stuck in jams or in public transports.

Got other things to blog on  but i’ll choose a correct theme fer it, this one ere is fer one of my first few outings road-hunting  in KL, haha. Hopefully, i dun end up like the most unfortunate of rempit-ers.

    Well, the turbulence I was expecting was not the one I got. It was even more severe. Things are moving pretty quickly. I just went to an interview today, and just as how my friends (a lot of them) pointed out, that i am changing jobs as one is expected to change shirts, the manager asked me why i had changed jobs three times in less than 6 mths? On my defence, I had to admit i am looking fer a good job to stick in but keep landing in career mistakes, i dun know how gud is the job until i enter and leave it. But when i find that place, sumthing else important comes out pulling me out of my comfort zone, just like now when Im in Datacom, suddenly my responsibilities get higher.
    But this interview i attended, i was contacted by the company to see if i was interested, and upon checking the company out, i was indeed…so i told the manager, well im didn’t think of leaving my current company but you guys contacted me, Im just paying a courtesy call, he laughed!!!!.
    Anyway, we’ll see the results of my smart-ass responses next week. For now, Im more worried about how to calm my current boss as I was just hired two weeks ago!!! i have to point out my current circumstances to him and face the music, after all, I admit its a bad thing Im doing, jumping jobs, but i do worry about my future and career.

    On another more serious note, a cousin of mine passed away last Friday. He committed suicide because of a love failure. I find myself at loss on how to see this situation.     On one hand, i’ve been through love failure myself n felt that damning urge to just end it all but commitment and duty to family kept me from taking such a drastic move (people would say it is a stupid move but they were told off that only ppl who goes through such an experience knows the pain, and this by a married uncle of mine who was 60+, i found it to be a wise answer). As such, I sympathize and am saddened at this loss, it seems it takes death to know sumone’s heart these days.         On the other hand though, I am angry as he never thought about his mother, she was widowed at a young time with him as the only child. The sight of the grieving mother is implanted in my mind knowing that this mourning will be there for a very long time. There will be no more joy in her eyes. I had to go and give my condolences but i was there dumbstruck as i knew no words will  do much good. I had no words at all. The only words i had was of prayer so that his soul finds peace regardless of this action of  him taking his own life.   

Ok, I am munching Chipsmore hence the title. It seems like ages since i properly blogged, i guess the juicy part would have to wait till I move on to a better job n till i get my two-wheeler oil burner. Been havin a tough time blogging as lots from da office including higher level in my fren list not to mention having a kid brother in ur list who’ll go running to tell on anything he could find, no way to avoid this, n  no way i can run from the aftermath of my stinging outburst bout my new job. Simply said, I’m no longer classified as a human being, I’m a slave robot….robots have no rest, robots schedule always packed, robots are only to produce data, raw,data….nuff said, this is the general feeling ere.

Im however continuing to hope and will not give up trying to look for the ideal place, been there before, maybe took it fer granted, maybe things changed but nevertheless if u look hard enuff, u’ll find it, n believe me, the way i am now, i m gonna look harder than hard enuff, its a promise to myself.

Darker stuff aside, a side effect for my restless time ere, i njoy the job though not the way it is presented. already familiar with the flow, very few kinks trouble me at work nowadays, and aaaaaaaaaaaahhhhh, the was the Genting trip, on a hunch to juz de-stress, i juz let loose a free flow, whacko-ish bets of  a total of 1 grant at Genting, yeah, short, sweet n simple but ridiculous,yeah, 1 malaysian #@@kin grant. N, no,no regrets, y? thatz how stressed i was….

Well, nowz the days of oppurtunity and to make the best of it, i am welcoming and supportive to those i know who are trying to make best out there even as I speak in hunting after golden oppurtunities, yeah itz all cryptic for a reason,….while Im waiting fer mine own……..i guess this is one of mine own darker blog posts after all.

Signing out, S.O.S

       Ever since I left soldiering, those years back during my adolescence, i’ve been workin hard to keep on level terms and even at a higher level than my former comrades. i realized that while they rose up in terms of ranks n the military, they only way i can keep up with them was by earning the equiavalent salary of their rank or more. Because, in the military world, rank n respect is second to none, in the corporate jungle, itz lifestyle i.e. money and power.  This way of measuring our personal growth,  my pals in the armed forces  are also aware of, i guess, coz whenever they check on me, they seem to ask what I’m doing now, n how much am I earning : ).
       While I have no interest in the latter, i certainly am serious in my attempt to gain a better hold on the former for my own satisfaction though and not fer foolish pride. Itz more a measure of how far i’ve come through from nothing and how far i can push myself until i find contentment to stop and maintain.
        What i realized though, now is that, my life is almost kinda similar to mercenaries….they are former soldiers who provides their expertise to the highest bidder, me here, in the IT world, like so many out there, provide my experiences to the company who can entice me with the highest salary and benefits. This doesn’t apply in my current job, though ……..tbc, soon.

What i really wonder is though, have I done sumthing I shouldn’t have when i decided to leave the armed forces as I feel, so lost out here, so out of place???